I am a hurricane of emotions these days. We are nearing the end of this pregnancy and hormones and emotions are all over the board.
Let's see, there is excitement, anxiety, guilt, fear, just to name a few (these are in no particular order by the way :) .
I am of course very excited to meet this new little one, to see if I have another daughter or another son, to see if baby looks like Payton or Charley or looks completely different. I am excited to get to know his or her little personality and experience all the fun firsts. Also, I am excited about the whole 'birth' process. That may sound crazy but I really love it. I am excited to see Payton & Charley's reaction to the new member of our family. There are so many things to be excited about but there are so many things that freak me out as well...
My anxiety level is high.
I am beginning to get extremely nervous about being a mom of 3 very young children. I don't know what to expect in the coming weeks and that is a very frightening thing to me. I get anxious thinking I might have a difficult baby. Baby may not sleep well or eat well or may have colic. I worry about how Charley is going to react being so young and really at a 'Mommy' stage right now. I worry how Payton is going to react. What if she feels like she has been put on the back burner or she is getting 'left' out because I expect her to do certain things on her own because she can.
I still feel a little guilty because Charley is getting 'booted' from his 'baby' status so quickly. I have been waiting for him to 'grow-up' over the past few months but he is still just a baby and that makes me feel guilty about bringing another baby into the family at this point in his life. I know he will never know any different but it doesn't help to think about that to be honest...almost makes it worse.
Fear, well...there it is. I am fearful about all of it. For the most part I have not given too much thought about having 'enough love' for another child but over the past week or so it has again crept into my mind. When I was pregnant with Charley it was a concern throughout the whole pregnancy because I didn't know what to expect. I had all this love for Payton and it seemed impossible to be able to love another like I loved her but in the instant I held my sweet boy there was no doubt that I loved him just as much as I loved her. I know in my head that it will be no different this time around so the fact that I even have this 'fear' is crazy to me but non-the-less, it is there.
I am trying my best to 'lay it all down' but it is hard. Philippians 4:6 has been playing in my mind over and over...even if it doesn't always 'help'. :) The Lord is going to give me what I need in the coming days, I know that but what that means in terms of what my household is going to look & feel like...only He knows. :)
Philippians 4:6
6 Don’t worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done.
Let's see, there is excitement, anxiety, guilt, fear, just to name a few (these are in no particular order by the way :) .
I am of course very excited to meet this new little one, to see if I have another daughter or another son, to see if baby looks like Payton or Charley or looks completely different. I am excited to get to know his or her little personality and experience all the fun firsts. Also, I am excited about the whole 'birth' process. That may sound crazy but I really love it. I am excited to see Payton & Charley's reaction to the new member of our family. There are so many things to be excited about but there are so many things that freak me out as well...
My anxiety level is high.
I am beginning to get extremely nervous about being a mom of 3 very young children. I don't know what to expect in the coming weeks and that is a very frightening thing to me. I get anxious thinking I might have a difficult baby. Baby may not sleep well or eat well or may have colic. I worry about how Charley is going to react being so young and really at a 'Mommy' stage right now. I worry how Payton is going to react. What if she feels like she has been put on the back burner or she is getting 'left' out because I expect her to do certain things on her own because she can.
I still feel a little guilty because Charley is getting 'booted' from his 'baby' status so quickly. I have been waiting for him to 'grow-up' over the past few months but he is still just a baby and that makes me feel guilty about bringing another baby into the family at this point in his life. I know he will never know any different but it doesn't help to think about that to be honest...almost makes it worse.
Fear, well...there it is. I am fearful about all of it. For the most part I have not given too much thought about having 'enough love' for another child but over the past week or so it has again crept into my mind. When I was pregnant with Charley it was a concern throughout the whole pregnancy because I didn't know what to expect. I had all this love for Payton and it seemed impossible to be able to love another like I loved her but in the instant I held my sweet boy there was no doubt that I loved him just as much as I loved her. I know in my head that it will be no different this time around so the fact that I even have this 'fear' is crazy to me but non-the-less, it is there.
I am trying my best to 'lay it all down' but it is hard. Philippians 4:6 has been playing in my mind over and over...even if it doesn't always 'help'. :) The Lord is going to give me what I need in the coming days, I know that but what that means in terms of what my household is going to look & feel like...only He knows. :)
Philippians 4:6
6 Don’t worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done.
2 comments:
You are a fantastic mother Lisa and all three of your children will always know that about you. As long as at the end of the day, all of your children know that you love them and that Jesus loves them, you have succeeded! Praying for you during this super exciting time in your life!!! Can't WAIT to meet him/her! xoxo
You are wonderful.
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